I have heard about people leaving their kids in their car before and every time I have thought "how could you possibly do that, how do you forget your child". This time was no different. The situation made me angry. I don't understand how that could happen. I was even more upset when I discovered that the fundraiser that had been started for them had exceeded the $5,000 goal within a day, so it had been raised to $8,000. It has now exceeded that as well and the new goal is $12,000. Why was this family, who seemed to have lost their child because of human error receiving so much support that they exceeded their goal twice, when our fundraiser of only $3,000 did not reach the goal and we had not caused the death of our baby? Where were the news articles and incredible amount of support from the entire community when we lost Declan? We do live in the very same community after all. Why does no news company write about the families who just delivered in room 311. Because there is only one situation where a family goes into that room. We were upset and angry among other emotions. But we were wrong. I was wrong.
While my situation was different, I know what it feels like to loose your child. And at no point did my heart not ache for this family, especially for this mother, and I never thought for a second that this was done on purpose. I also know what it feels like to blame yourself. I'm sure she feels it worse than I have because there have been so many that have said it is her fault, and no one said it to me. But I said it to myself. My body failed. My body let my baby die. And for someone who has never particularly loved her body, this made it even harder. The only thing that has kept me going on at all is knowing that the gospel is true and that children who die young, die because they don't need to be here. They have already proven themselves. They are perfect. And that applies to
So what does this mean about Skyah Suwyn, who left this world after only 11 months? That she had already proven herself. As I have thought more and more about this situation, my heart has been softened. There has been an outpour of love from those who know the family and complete strangers, alike. Those who know them have said how great of a mother April is and how much the entire family loved this little girl, their only daughter. Obviously, this was an accident. I don't pretend to know all the workings of heaven, but I have learned a few things from my own loss, along with the losses of many close to me, whether they have lost children or husbands. The Lord calls who he needs home. Those who leave, especially those who leave so suddenly, leave when they called home. I know that Declan is gone because he was needed among the ranks of heaven, and I believe that Skyah was also needed there. I believe that the Lord came to her and said, it's time, we need you here. And with a broken heart, knowing the pain that her family would endure, she agreed to do as she was asked. Because those who are faithful come when they are called.
I have no understanding of why this happened the way it did. I know this mother will feel guilt and pain every day for the rest of her life because of this. But I don't think she had control over the situation. I think that maybe Heavenly Father allowed her brain to believe she had brought her daughter inside and put her in her crib, like she did every day. I think he let her mind fail her, like he let my body fail me, so that this sweet spirit could return home to achieve a greater purpose.
My heart aches for this mother. I know the loss. And to some extent, I know the guilt. I know how it is to ask yourself "what if" and "why" every second of every day.
One of my close friend lost her husband recently and a few weeks ago she pointed out that death is not sad for the person who dies. Her husband is fine. Declan is fine. Skyah is fine. In fact they're all doing much better than we are. Death is sad for the people who they leave behind. My family will never be the same, and I know that the Suwyn family won't be either. I know personally how much loosing a child can change your relationships, especially with your spouse. It is a huge trial. Everyone grieves a loss differently, and when you both loose the same thing, part of you feels like they should be grieving the exact same way you are. It's hard to understand why they seem okay on the days when you are the complete opposite of being okay. These kind of things either tear families apart, or they make them come together so strongly that they are unbreakable. I pray that they are able to support one another at this time and that it doesn't become something that they never recover from. I'm sure her husband knows better than anyone that she is a wonderful mother, and this was an accident. I hope she allows him to love her, because I know there have been days when I didn't feel like I deserved to be loved, and those times when I pushed my husband away as he tried to comfort me hurt him and only made things worse.
So to the mother who left her baby in the car, I hope one day you find peace. I hope that you know you have a perfect child. Every parent says their kid is perfect, but for us, it's true. And I truly hope that your will be able to forgive yourself and have faith in the plan, because there is a plan. And there is a reason. Even if we don't know it in this life, there is a reason. My immediate response was anger, and I was wrong. And I am sorry. I know so many have said hurtful things and that is only making your pain worse, and I hope that they will realize their quick judgement and take it back. We don't fully ever understand why these things happen, but if you ever read this, I hope it helps you. I hope you know that you will have your daughter back one day, and she will have only love for you.
