A year to be thankful

This year has definitely been the hardest I've ever gone through and sometimes when I think about it, I have non idea how we have made it through the last year in one piece.

But the thought that I have much more often than "how am I still standing" is how many things that have happened this past year that we have to be grateful for. And I honestly am far from the best at saying thank you and that is something I need to work on. So here is a list, that I know does not include everything but here are a few things that I am especially grateful for during this past year.

I am grateful for:
Becoming a mom.
Every baby gift we recieved.
Every piece of advice that was given.
Every encouraging word.
Every congratulations.
Every ounce of excitement that people had for us.
Every dollar that was donated to us in a time of need. Most donations were made anonymously, but personal checks were also sent and I am terrible about sending thank you cards, even when my mind is fully functional. So, thank you to every one of you who donated to us.
Every prayer that was said for us.
Every second we got with our son.
Every tear that was shed for us.
Every heart that broke for us.
Every word of love and support.
Every visitor at the hospital.
Every dinner made for us.
Every dollar spent to travel to us. I have never needed my family with me so much as I did a few months ago, and they were all here.
Every minute of work missed that was instead spent with us.
Every hug.
Every miracle that we have witnessed.
Every conversation. Because human interaction is a lot of why I am still sane. Our dogs. Because they love us unconditionally and they are always happy. They help me to be happy.
I'm grateful for our jobs.
Mark's chance to go to school.
Our ward.
Our faith.
The faith of other's that helped sustain us when ours wasn't enough.
For Donald, for sending me my linda.
for every message, text and phone call. I still remember so many of them. Corey, Cat, Aissata, just to name a few. The words that were shared at that time replay in my mind in times when I need them most. Know that they were heard and are remembered.
For Jen. For coming to the hospital to see our baby when I asked her to. I would have completely understood if you hadn't but I am so happy you got to meet my baby.
Every card that was sent.
Every person who came to the graveside service.
All the flowers that filled our home.
Every person that sat next to me at church to make sure I never sat alone.
For the knowledge of eternal families, to know that we will one day get to raise our son.
For the atonment, because it makes eternal families possible.

This does not include everything we have to be grateful for, the list could go on forever. I can't name everyone who has impacted our lives by name, there are too many of you. But as the year comes to an end I knew I needed to express our gratitude for everything we have experienced. As we get into the holiday season, our hearts are heavy because we thought we would be having all the full, happy experiences of Declan's first thanksgiving and first Christmas. We set up the christmas tree a few days ago and after it was done, we sat on the couch to enjoy it and I started balling. I cried as we drove home from thanksgiving dinner. The holidays will never be quite the same happy experience they used to be knowing we will always be missing one. But we still have an unlimited amount of things to be grateful for, and that list grows every day.